guns

About a boy.

2011-01-21T19:01:00.000-08:00

by; F.R

Is it weird that in all silence, i feel like i've lost it?

2010-10-15T05:03:00.000-07:00

Love.

I'm not even out of bed and i am already falling apart.

2010-10-13T04:17:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago i had the most extreme lash-out/melt-down in the history of lash-outs/melt-downs. I lost complete control and let the situation i was in get the best of me. Thinking of it makes me sick to pieces. Extremely few people in my life leads me to do that. But when a certain amount of emotions are put on the table, i am done!

Nonetheless, every burn is a lesson learned and strange as it is, i think it brought us closer.

K, bye.

Distant lover.

2010-10-12T10:30:00.000-07:00

A handwritten love letter changes everything.

2010-09-25T10:05:00.000-07:00

2010-09-25T05:41:00.001-07:00

I am a series of small victories and large defeats and I am as amazed as any other that I have gotten from there to here.

A moment in your gravity.

2010-09-25T03:56:00.000-07:00

I've wanted to write about this for a very long time, but i've not quite had the notion on how to proceed. I've always had the words, but never the right way to say them. I've been scared way beyond my comfort zone and to be honest, i still am.

There is no possible way for me to ever express my care for you. No time nor space would room the fumbling words that would rattle and shake out of my mouth in trying to explain what you, our friendship and your place in my everyday means. Throughout my life, in various situations i have been dealt the role as the one to tough it out and hold the pieces together. I have learned to swallow my own cold sadness and put on the most decent smile i had. But with you it was different. I knew i couldn't pretend. I tried. But it was bigger than me. I needed you! I needed you to be who you were when i left. I needed you to be strong. I needed you to tell me everything was going to be okay.

I needed you to not leave me..

Being away from you during your treatment is one of my biggest regrets. My prayers never seemed to be long enough and it felt we couldn't possibly be any further apart. Yet, i couldn't even see your face or hear your voice without breaking down. You were so strong. So vivid. So brave. You chose hope and that made everything possible. Oh friend, i wish i could turn back time and take every single step with you. I wish I had a magic wand to make it go away. But you fought a war most soldiers would never survive and THAT makes you my hero. Forever is an understatement of how long you and i are gonna be you and i.

Iloveyou.

Closer.

2010-08-11T12:00:00.000-07:00

This happens every time. Every time i think something makes us stronger, makes us hold on tighter and fight harder, this happens. I can't even control it. It's like it's become "part of the drill" with you and me. There's always something in my face reminding me things will never just be. I can't explain, i don't understand, don't ask, just pull me closer.

Homieloverfriend.

2010-08-10T04:36:00.000-07:00

There are certain things i will never understand why you tell me. Ugh.

Fall love, into my arms.

2010-08-09T22:15:00.000-07:00

This past month may just have been one of the most emotional months for me in a very long time. I have been going through things i hadn't imagined going through at this point of my life which has made me re-think a lot of things i thought i was certain of. There are people i have secretly pinned down as "the ones who will always be there", who has now given me a whole other point of view. Perhaps due to distance. Perhaps due to time. Or simply the fact that i shut down and out whenever i enter this stage of existence. I can't explain and I'm not sure i want to. Giving others the perfect reasons why i act like i do, kind of means i have all the answers. Which i don't. Quite far from actually. I've never the right words to say, the right things to do nor the correct way to act. But i feel! I feel every single drop of life thrown at me. I cant wait until i’m able to put a concrete label on myself. I would like to be able to say that i am something - that i do something so frequently, that i have immersed myself so completely in it, that i have become it in essence. I want to be able to say that i am a writer or a photographer or an artist or an editor or a musician and know that it means something.

And somewhere in the middle of all this jizz, i would like to mean the world to someone out there. I would like to set someone's soul on fire with love and desire. -Let me touch you with the clasp of my hand and the roots of my words. Let me lick your lower lip while it's dark and let's forget about the world, if only for one night.

"These buildings could drift out to sea, some natural catastrophe, still there's no place I'd rather be."

2010-08-09T12:41:00.000-07:00

2010-08-09T12:40:00.001-07:00

I MISS YOUR TONGUE ON MY LIPS.

♡

2010-08-09T12:37:00.000-07:00

"Some automatic device clicked in her big brain, and her knees felt weak, and there was a chilly feeling in her stomach. She was in love with this man.
They don’t make memories like that anymore."

Manila nights/McKinley lights.

2010-08-09T12:13:00.000-07:00

Hello and sorry or something.

2010-03-02T20:37:00.000-08:00

I have been around the world, flying in and out of what i believe has been my sanctuary and never being there long enough to please my satisfaction. I am always on the move, always saying hello which leads to always having to say goodbye. But i now own the greatest love stories and most perfect tales of dancing in the moonlight. It is a love/hate relationship i have committed to for life. I have ranted about this blessing/curse of mine in the past and will therefor not get too deep into it now. I am here, i am living, i am loving and i am ridiculously feelin' it.

Hello 7am Manila lights, it's us again.

2010-03-02T20:10:00.000-08:00

You

2010-03-02T05:08:00.000-08:00

Are the best thing.

Uh oh. Boy trouble.

2010-03-01T09:19:00.000-08:00

You.

Out of all the people who have entered my life, how did you get into my heart? Who are you, where did you come from, why me? How you??

At times i wonder if you're superhuman. The powerful ability you have to leave me breathless and drive me close to insanity by lightly brushing your fingertips over my collarbone or the way your hand always finds mine no matter what surroundings we are in. Amazing. Four weeks, that's all it took. Four weeks for me to fall in love with you. I mean, i always loved you in lifetimes before, but i never completely fell until the moment you catched me. Now i am safe. My heart is where it needs to be. You were all it took. It was all necessary to make you possible in my life. All the time and what came with it. In the end, every cranny lead me straight to your nook. The nook where you secretly kept me.

When darkness enters my side of the world and i lay in bed quiescent and still, while the hours pass like seconds and i find myself racing with daylight; it always takes me back to the day i left you. And i get sad, and my heart starts beating triple speed trying to keep up with the thoughts in my mind. All my emotions take complete control over my body and i am left with nothing to hold on to but the wind.

Then there it is. Every single memory. Every touch. Every feeling. every word you ever said. And it all makes perfect sense. It's you. It's always been you. I never believed that things happen for a reason. But the way this turned out, removed all my doubts. And believe me, that for you i'd do it all over again.

I can't breathe without you but i have to.

2010-03-01T09:13:00.000-08:00

I wanted more of him, I always did. No matter what happened between us in the past, I already knew I’d never forget anything about him. As crazy as it sounds, he has become part of me and every night I am dreading the fact that we wont be able to spend the day together tomorrow. Or the day after, or the day after that. But this moment we have created is so real, the feeling alone keeps me safe.

Tell me everything.

2010-03-01T05:43:00.000-08:00

She fell in love.

If you don’t like our hair, then we can wear a hat. But you're broke and you're fat, ain’t no hat for that.

2010-01-19T13:52:00.000-08:00

We could make babies and accidental songs.

2010-01-19T12:43:00.000-08:00

by:mike

You're a slave to a page in my rhyme book.

2010-01-19T12:17:00.000-08:00

by:mike

This is missing in my life right now.

2009-12-01T09:38:00.000-08:00

bybbb

The power of you.

2009-11-28T14:36:00.000-08:00

For once, we are falling into this. It's not forced. I'm not afraid. It is perfect. It is weightless and i am floating. It's the most intense experience i have ever taken part of and i am tripping the fuck out and stumbling over your words every other minute. I love this. We get so crazy together and it's so amazing. It's like my heart is a drum and i am made up of millions of tiny molecules that are tenderly combined and the sudden you speak they explode and this is new to me but i am alive. You are always a part of my sadness and the fragment of my love and laughter. I am experiencing rapture and everything that can ever be experienced all at once. The speed of darkness takes me right to you. I don't control it anymore. I have closed my eyes and given myself to the sky. There seems to be no other security but your words. Wrap them around me twice and take my hand forever.

Your skin and bones turn into something beautiful.

2009-11-22T07:14:00.000-08:00

I refer to you with the most beautiful words i know of. I dream of your touch in ways i can't express. When you look at me, i can hardly breathe. You are a substance of addiction injected in my veins, like a high i can't get down from. Everything in my whole body tells me this is real. Even parts of my heart. Yet there is a constant battle with my mind and it's need to have it all figured out. I don't have any of the right answers or the correct words to say. I want to be tough and let go of all my silly "worries", but i don't know if it's fair to myself or even to you. My life right now is everything but steady. My dreams and aspirations are in constant movement. Things seem to be happening the way they should but that doesn't mean i know where i belong.

I've always thought of the world as a tiny place with invincible mirrored walls that gives us the perception of endlessness. Walls nobody but i knew of. Until recently.. Distance has taken on a whole new meaning. Homesickness is a state of mind for me. I’m always missing someone or someplace or something, i’m always trying to get back to some imaginary somewhere. My life has been one long longing. Where does this end? I mean, I'm happy, i really am. I have the most incredible family by blood and an even more incredible family by choice, my friends. I love you. But i need to belong somewhere, i need to put my bags down and rest my heart. I just don't know how do go about that right now. I don't even know if it will ever come to me.

It is said that the longest 12 inches in life is the distance between ones heart and mind. Well i am officially lost along that road. No left turn seems to be right and every attempt of going right turns out wrong. I wish you would save me. I'm not ready to grow up yet. I am forever a child with a heart that has lived and loved for a hundred years. I need to figure my life out. I need to take all my dreams and make them real. Every single one of them. I need to create my future. Well not all of it, but at least a foundation. A place where i can love till i turn blue and just be. I am trying to maintain a certain amount of control over my own life. You see, i am a chronic dreamer. It might just be my curse in life. But i am way past ever trying to get over that. So what was i saying? Oh yea, i hope you belong to me. Because truth be told, my heart is your even we never speak of it again.

And everything that I said was true as the flashes blinded us in the photobooth.

2009-11-21T04:21:00.000-08:00

How could i forget?? I found this great black and white photo-booth shot folded in my wallet from when we visited Berlin in july. Our mission was to squeeze as many people as we could into one of those old school "pop-a-coin" booths at bar25 (A M A Z I N G place i must add). Damn good times for sure! In this photo we only managed to fit four of us.. Whatta FAIL! haha. Anyway, Emma, Chris (StampD' LA, see you next month!) and Alex, our newfound German friend who i most absolute hope we get to meet again; Thanks for this!

My heart is heavy, it's going to fall.

2009-11-20T05:33:00.000-08:00

Kiss with a fist.

2009-11-19T07:33:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt like being alone with your own thoughts is far more exhausting than being in a room filled with a million other people? Like writing a page in your diary drains you more than having an actual conversation with a person of highest social caliber? At times i fleet the real world to escape into my own universe, only to be reminded that's where the ultimate mental exhaustion lies. That's where it manifests itself physically.

Yet i could sleep forever. Over and over again. The thought of lying solely under the sky at the midst of midnight and tapping my fingers on whatever surface i am on to the rhythm of my heartbeat, contents me quietly. There are days where i am calm and collected and hardly even open my mouth, the days where i bother not to care.. Then comes the days where i am inescapably moody. Where i am in love with everyone and everything, including your husky voice which is a result of the 70-oz bottle of whisky you finished last night while dancing your life away.

I have to keep moving. Moving in my own way. If i stand still long enough, everything will fall apart. Keep me safe from seeing what my walls are not strong enough to keep out. I put my trust in you. I love you, whoever you are.

He says she's lovely, that's enough.

2009-11-18T11:34:00.000-08:00

Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it didn't work out with anybody else.

2009-11-18T08:30:00.000-08:00

I've been spending numerous hours out of every day bugging over how much i hate November this year. I never really liked November that much before, but this year i strongly prayed every night that October would be followed by December. That was a complete and utter fail. Why must the love that awaits me take such fucking time?? As fall turns into winter i quite naturally morph into a homebody, preferring solace in literature, making pretty things, having long and delicious meals by the dinner table, cuddling in front the fire-place & falling in love with your words. What is this? It's beautiful. Bittersweet. Please December, hurry up. I need to be held. And by one only.

2009-11-18T08:24:00.000-08:00

Does he ever have those moments where it's just him, like.. "gosh, i love her"? When he sees you and you look so overwhelmingly happy, so beautiful, so glad to see him that he thinks.. "wow". Does he have those moments? Because he should.

Love letter to no one.

2009-11-17T03:38:00.000-08:00

I wonder if he knows how fragile i am. How underneath my skin, i am secretly glued together by the weakest most breakable pieces of human being. How he most possibly and unknowingly has been given the power to devour me whole. Where the lightest touch, the slightest brush or the simplest movement towards my body would be enough to empower me with eternal love or heartbreak. I did not chose this. It was inevitable to escape. It was screaming our names and sucking the air right out of our lungs and right into each-other. I wonder how many letters i wrote "you" before i even knew you existed. How many times my heart would wake me up in the middle of the night reminding me that you weren't there. I fit perfectly in your embrace. It's like the world depends on me being in your arms.

Did i ever tell you your hand feels magic to hold? And that the silent sound your legs make while moving in our sheets while we lay in bed makes my fingers numb. I want to dance with you forever. Take my hand and dance with me. Don't ever let go. You said you would always hold me. This is perfect. I wish we could stay right here, in this now, eternally. I need to know that it’s possible for two people to stay happy together forever.

Pick me up from where i am laying and take me home.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs.

2009-11-16T07:44:00.000-08:00

Ok. So i think i might have gone mental. Not cray cray mental, but a slight form of going ko-ko. Theres this person/feeling/place i can't stop thinking about. It's making my nights shorter and causing larger much un-needed eyebugs. Or actually it's making my nights hella much longer and my sleep shorter. My bed has become a place where i twist and turn and roll my eyes in complete darkness to whoever controls WHENTHEFUCK my body is supposed to shut down for the night. The inside of my blanket is always too hot and my pillow's never cold enough. It's like my days magically added another 10 hours to it and now the hours in what seems like my never ending days has 500.000 minutes in them! Yea, uh-huh, ok.

Have you ever wanted something/someone or wanted to be somewhere so bad it feels like you might be on the verge of complete and total RIDICULOUS insanity?? This shit is driving me crazy up the walls with no ceiling. My soul is a circle i can't get around and I have developed awkward sleeping patterns. Terribly awkward and erratic sleeping patterns. Actually, i really don’t think there’s much of a pattern.

K, gotta go.

I go out friday night, come home saturday morning and fall into your arms on sunday.

2009-11-15T06:41:00.000-08:00

Summer was here. I stayed pale as a winters night.

bymike.

Peace the fuck out.

2009-11-15T06:36:00.000-08:00

Tired of certain people. Can't get enough of others. Missing the ones closest to my heart. Pushing away the rest. Wherethefuck is my heart at?

Forget climbing mountains, Im flying home to you.

2009-11-15T05:09:00.000-08:00

" You may not be her first, her last, or her only. she loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."

b.m

You're not even human, you're just a lovely idea of one.

2009-11-14T12:20:00.000-08:00

Aka everything.

2009-11-14T07:53:00.000-08:00

2009-11-14T06:40:00.000-08:00

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."

Lying on the floor, washed by nothing & hanging on.

2009-11-13T02:45:00.000-08:00

When i am lonely and longing for your touch, i think of when i used to study your hand lifting your cigarette. The slope of your shoulder, the angle of your hip. The way my heart would stop when your back was bare and you reached for something on the night-stand as your muscles created a perfect shape. I think of the times when i used to look at you sideways, the contour of your lips and the movement they'd make.

I love to examine you in different lights. My love for you is visual. Don't move, i think. Stay like that. Let me have that. For eternity.

I lick my lips at night while standing on the edge with nothing but your voice holding me back.

2009-11-12T09:33:00.000-08:00

Late at night thinking of being with you, then being without you again is scaring me shitless. I spend hundreds of thousands of seconds out of my day imagining everything down to the littlest detail, to doing it all over again from a different angle. Repetition never feels as good as when thoughts of our touch is included. The thrill, the chill, the inevitable electricity. I'm just afraid that when i do get the chance to reconcile all the time lost, ill fold. What if we're not meant for each-other? I am playing with fire here, that i am aware of, but it is out of my control. Dear distance please don't force my heart to a place where it doesn't want to be. -Away from you. How will i ever survive tearing myself away and flying a thousand miles from you again?

Dragon rolls and frozen juice/Making out in photo booths.

2009-11-12T09:21:00.000-08:00

2009-11-12T02:41:00.000-08:00

She threw herself back and her hair fanned out on the pillow.
'Id like to be all yours,' she murmured.

The one who always remembers your sharp tongue.

2009-11-12T01:10:00.000-08:00

It's wearing me out of my skin, this feeling. Out of everything that's safe. I can't even speak your name or anything that sounds like it without my stomach wrenching. You've been blowing my mind and i get so weak and unable to breathe. After all this time, I am learning that missing you is quite tiring. My heartbeat changes speed at every other thought of you and i as i type this i am feeling light headed.

Loose control in summertime/Loose control to loose my mind.

2009-11-11T23:41:00.000-08:00

I had the notion that you'd make me forget the world.

2009-11-10T22:13:00.000-08:00

Her hands so perfectly polished in a shade of black darker than emptiness self gently touched his fingertips as he kissed her goodnight. They never spoke of it, but they both knew it was their last. He made her believe in everything yet she forgot about the world. She created a "reality" around him and his lovely hands. Oh his lovely hands. The same hands that would touch her every single night while he kissed her neck and the rhythm of his breath rolled her eyes back. Nobody ever made her feel the way he did. There was no way she could explain it, but if you ever loved her in lifetimes before and looked close, i mean really close, her eyes would tell the tales. Love was present in form of everything, everywhere, but it had to end nonetheless. Their worlds kept them apart for too long.

From this moment on she belonged to him forever. Until they would one day meet again and he would make her remember.

091110.

2009-11-09T08:46:00.000-08:00

This is a letter to you, my dear.

Throughout my humble 24 years of living i have been blessed with the presence of what i would dare to admit 'the most amazing people on earth'. My close friends and family make me believe in perfection every single day. 10 months ago you took that perfection to another height. You walked into my life in pink and purple balenciaga heels a random night in january and never left my side since. You were never a part of my plan and us building the foundation of this amazing friendship we have today wasn't in my wildest imagination. You touched my heart with the clasp of your hand from the very start. I grew instant care for you and fell in love with all your quirky and lovable ways in going through life. I saw myself in you at so many levels and you got me at every flicker i made. You understood everything about me and it felt so strangely right. I met you in a tough stage of my life. I was looking for somewhere to belong and you made me believe in that again.

The million hours we ever spent talking, laughing our brains out, staring at the sky, dancing till we died, holding hands and pouring our hearts out to one another is something i am forever grateful to have been given. You are such a beautiful person inside and out. So amazingly stunning. You are exquisite and i could write you a song a million miles long and it would never be enough. The comfort you gave me while practically living with each-other for the longest time is a huge part of who i am today. I know it might sound crazy to the commoner that i have this love for you after less than a lifetime, but it's here nonetheless. The amazing conversations we had about life, love and other disasters on our many random nights, ill miss everyday until we meet again. Everything was a little more with you. A little more fun, a little more crazy, a little more careless, a little more perfect and a little more beautiful.

In two months i will be seeing you again. I will be graced with your presence and your wonderful being. You are my favorite shade of light. I can't wait for us to make all our dreams come true. I know you've had a rough couple of months and it has killed me inside knowing that i couldn't be there for you physically. I have tried my best to give you all my words, thoughts and love and i hope it has helped you in some kind of way. The same way you are always attentive of whatever emotions are running fast speed through my heart everyday.

So, thank you for being such a wonderful and inspirational person in my life. I wouldn't be the same without you. Believe me when i try to put to words that you are my love long distance and that i will dance every night away with you=)

Happy birthday Baretz, you i love.

bybj.

Cause we cool like that!

2009-11-08T13:12:00.000-08:00

I give to you my b, Mikee! He's my ride and die. We're like one person divided in two bodies. Haha. But for real, there might not be a thing i wouldn't do for this dude. We've been down since the get go and i love him to death. Blood couldn't make us any closer. He's my family. Im hella proud to be a part of his life. He's so fucking dedicated and skilled in whatever he does. We have the most fun ever EVER and i die laughing forever. You know we're meant to do great things right? Anyway, visiting my hotel this weekend I made him model for me coz im a shrimp like that. It turned out hella hot coz he's a bawss and i'm a bawss lady. (whadup mendizzle!)

Holla!

Bawss.

2009-11-08T12:34:00.000-08:00

Initials in my ceiling.

2009-11-08T09:26:00.000-08:00

Time is of the essence, you run out of it. So if there's even the slightest chance to make'em happy, what are you waiting for?

"I'm not trying to be without you at the right moment". -Drake.

Without you my flavor is a little plain and no one likes plain things.

2009-11-08T07:21:00.000-08:00

The only thing i know is the chaos in my mind.

2009-11-08T06:55:00.000-08:00

"I don't know what to say but it feels like love in a big way. I hold my breath until i've had a look from the inside. "

Heart of gold, covered in ice. Learn to love me.

2009-11-08T04:58:00.000-08:00

ByMike.

Pale skin and puffy eyes were always my speciality. Regardless of the hearts surrounding.

And she was no ordinary girl, oh inverted world.

2009-11-05T12:33:00.000-08:00

NJZ circa 2008. Winter night in my creep in.

A tale of two.

2009-11-04T09:37:00.000-08:00

It was never easy to say goodbye, yet they repeated it every night. Not by choice, but by distance. The big blue sea and endless miles of gloomy skies kept them apart for months, sometimes years at a time. She was here, he was there. Were it up to them, they'd both be somewhere. Place wouldn't have mattered. Geography had no meaning as long as they were located in an arm-length of reach from one another. Close enough to touch at every waken moment. Close enough to whisper desired words into the other ear.

Their tale of love started long before their awareness. They were never just friends. They were inevitable. They had to happen. She kept wondering if it was all meant to be. Everything that had occurred in the past. All heartaches and words unsaid.

"It's like they've been reading the same book for the longest time but always been on different pages, getting sleepy at different chapters and put the story to rest at opposite sides of the sun. Like they forgot about the book they were reading, lived life for a while and came upon a series of disappointments only to remember the tale, not realizing it was the only truth. Now, they're finally on the same page, reading the book together and ending it in each-others arms."

I lay beside you on the floor.

2009-11-02T10:07:00.000-08:00

I love it when monday isn't just another monday. When sunday, saturday and friday were so wonderful that the normally not so wonderful latter days are spent beautifully re-cap'ing previous moments.

So, this weekend has been one of the most random weekends in a long time. A perfect 4 days rendezvous spent in a different city than my own with even more perfect happenings piled up. I spent most of the weekend at my cousin's. (CLICK CLICK) It. was. marvelous. Simply exquisite. It's always like that whenever we get together. We don't really see each-other as often as we'd like (despite the ridiculous close distance between our current homes), due to extremely busy schedules. Her being a full time wonderful musician with an album waiting to be released this december and me being.. me. I always have a million and one things going on at the same time all over the world and have become somewhat of a champion in packing bags and leaving places at every other turn. Phew. Anyway, what i want to say here is that we have the most fun together! Being "Dahl's", our humor and language when together is known as vulgar and perhaps out of order. It's never the wrong moment to do the latest booty shake or holla if we wanna. We spit raps, love and laugh, eat at magnificent restaurants and pop bottles of wine wherever we are. There's always an occasion to chitter and chatter about life, love and other disasters over a glass. Im gonna miss you when i leave, love.

Now to a new person in my life. I met this wonderful and amazing human being while on my weekend adventure. As known amongst the people in my life, i have quite a hard time letting strangers too close at too fast speed. It always takes time with me. I guess as time is my favorite possession, i use it to the highest level in all of my quirks. Everything from getting to know you, learning to love you, getting ready in the morning and writing you letters. I always drag "the story" out as much as i can so that it will seem like a longer moment, so that it won't end with the telling of it. You know?

Anyway, new found love. At the very glimpse of her she is radiant, she is amazingly beautiful and has this exquisite aura of calmness, truth, security, insecurity, humbleness and experience. We found common ground to stand on or perhaps rather common air to float in, from the first few seconds of conversation. I haven't opened myself up that much to anyone other than my absolute closest friends in a very long time, if even ever? She makes you want to tell her your soul and secrets as the light in her eyes and the tone of her voice makes you believe she'll take care of it forever. She has lived a life one can only dream of or read about in books close to impossible to find. Her many experiences in love, life, happiness, disappointment and truth baffled me with every breath taken. Her way of speech is so amazing and i could listen to her ramble forever. She's so passionate about everything! She made me realize a lot of things in a short amount of time. I wish it didn't end so soon, as i know i won't be seeing her for a very very long time. I hope she finds love. True love. A love that will kiss her at every waken moment. And i hope she knows what an impact she made with me. This woman is such a wonderful artist and amazing person and you would be crazy not to take her words and make them part of your ground.

You let him lick it didn't you!!

2009-10-29T11:18:00.000-07:00

So we make out up against brick walls. Big deal.

2009-10-29T10:58:00.000-07:00

I have about a million secrets. Guess 9 and i will tell you the remaining ones. I'm not trying to be without you at the right moments.

I will swallow your sadness and eat your cold clay.

2009-10-29T10:13:00.000-07:00

Everybody winds up kissing the wrong person goodnight.

A little aimless/A little shameless.

2009-10-29T10:03:00.000-07:00

I stare at you in awe. Because fuck you're beautiful.

2009-10-28T11:31:00.000-07:00

Strawberry amazing.

2009-10-28T06:20:00.000-07:00

I used to think i left my heart in Manila. But looking at these photos of our summer get-away from my last stay in the Philippines, id say i left bits of it at the beach. In the ocean. By the sea shore and to the wind.

A week spent at this wonderful resort at the very end of the island with amazing people, exquisite food and drinks, amazing adventures and licking sun from wooden boats in the crystal clear ocean. Our days were lazy, lovely, care-free and long, while we let the fresh breeze of saltwater, sand and crazy energy take us into the night. Out of control, drunk, creative, humid, wet, wild and beyond anything you could ever imagine would be the perfect description of every single one of us after the sun went down. Nothing else mattered than the moment we were in. We were together, we were loving, we were crazy, we were beautiful and we hadn't a single care or limitation. It was like the ocean gave us the power to be whatever we wanted to be and it somehow made us a hundred times lighter.

The islands are such a perfect place to love and sing new songs. To fall in love over and over again. Everything is wonderful, everyone are beautiful and there are no wrong moments. It is plain and simple euphoria. I want to take you here someday, for i wish to see that perfect sunset, wake up to that perfect sunrise and enjoy every single wave of perfection each minute brings to land, with you.

"Come with me, come with me, let's travel till infinity".

Dream in a pragmatic way.

2009-10-28T04:43:00.000-07:00

I will always move in my own way. I want you to move with me. I looked at your photos again today. As i so often do when i need a reminder of perfection. I have my favorites. I remember you vividly. You look so good i wanna throw myself in a hay of autumn leaves and faint. Do you know what i mean? You don't wanna die, you just wanna throw yourself into something close to free falling. With a little bit of sparkle. No, a lot of sparkle. I am floating somewhere between wow and speechless. Don't save me. Simply float with me. My love.

Do you trust me?

2009-10-28T04:40:00.000-07:00

I say silly things, he still thinks i'm brilliant.

2009-10-28T04:34:00.000-07:00

I'd like to think i'm the mess you'd wear with pride.

2009-10-28T03:51:00.000-07:00

Started today with my favorite voice on the other line. Perfect morning. I've been bumping this one song on repeat since then. It's so sexy. The beat is pounding through my body and the lyrics are hella hot. I turned the volume up to a ridic high level. People probably think im on some cray cray sexy-time shit. Of course im not telling what song im tripping over. K, bye.

I think she's the most beautiful girl ever to hold a martini.

2009-10-27T14:46:00.000-07:00

by mike.

Please. feel. something.

2009-10-27T14:41:00.000-07:00

“You know that feeling? That feeling when you just want the right thing to fall into the right place, not only because it’s right, but because it will mean that such a thing is still possible? I want to believe that.”

n&n.i.p

You-phoria.

2009-10-26T12:58:00.000-07:00

For a moment nothing happened. Then after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.

2009-10-26T12:44:00.000-07:00

Why can’t you be alone without her?

2009-10-26T06:44:00.000-07:00

"But I can be alone without her, I just have no wish to be. There’s no reason on earth why I should be alone without her. There’s nothing more important than our relationship, nothing. And we dig being together all the time. Both of us could survive apart but what for? I’m not going to sacrifice love, real love for any whore or any friend or any business, because in the end you’re alone at night and neither of us want to be. And you can’t fill a bed with groupies. It doesn’t work. I don’t want to be a swinger. I’ve been through it all and nothing works better than to have someone you love hold you."

..

2009-10-26T06:38:00.000-07:00

“Everybody loves you when they are about to cum.”

2009-10-25T07:33:00.000-07:00

And watermelon sundae was her favorite dessert.

2009-10-25T05:07:00.000-07:00

It is raining heavily and quite beautifully in my city this afternoon, time doesn't seem to pass and everything is lazy. I am sunken comfortably on one of the many huge persian rugs in my home. That's one of my favorite things to do when solo; walk around barefoot on enormous carpets that are softer than most things i normally walk on. Fall has completely and uncontrollably taken over my life. Summer is gone with it's memories and winter is waiting secretly to give me new ones. My departure is creeping up faster than i expected. In a little over a month, ill be gone. Again. Away from them. Again. Yet closer to you. Again.

Leaving is such a bittersweet word to me. I always leave. Willingly or not, that's what i do. I leave the ones i love, allow new lovers to create clasps, then leave them too. I always come back tho, but everything changes. Usually to the better. Loving gets stronger, missing gets larger, reuniting gets more intense but leaving gets harder. I haven't figured out if it is my curse or my blessing. I mean, i am extremely blessed with everything i own. Not in form of material things, but in form of family, friends, surroundings, experiences and comfortability. All i know is that i love too much. Or nothing at all. I am scared shitless to commit to something that will someday make me stay. I am too fragile to be left. I guess that's why. But I am ready for whatever is thrown at me. I think. Just promise to always take care of me and never ever leave me. You have to promise. You have to point at the stars and promise.

The sky is clearing up as the night takes to dance and the rain flees to it's next city of words and perfect tunes.

Julia Callegari.

2009-10-24T16:35:00.000-07:00

My empty hotel. Swedish/Italian Julia. A lifetime's stock of Manila bangles and my gawky need to always photo. Hi, it's me again. Let's do this forever.

All my little words.

2009-10-24T10:22:00.000-07:00

You had me the very moment i laid my eyes on you. It was quite involuntary. I am for you. I truly am. But quite frankly I'm terrified to stay.

Nothing.

2009-10-24T10:05:00.000-07:00

Suddenly though, everything is slow, and i miss you.

Yea, it's personal.

43398.

2009-10-24T10:02:00.000-07:00

Remember the time you drove all night just to meet me in the morning?

2009-10-24T10:01:00.001-07:00

I am dancing to a song of heartbreak and hope.

2009-10-24T09:51:00.000-07:00

You have to make your own little pieces of magic, like the room with the stars on the ceiling where you could be in bed and look up at infinity.

I am ready for my winter love.

2009-10-24T09:36:00.000-07:00

You light up another cigarette and I pour the wine.

2009-10-22T12:19:00.000-07:00

Distance, you blow.

You're easy on the eyes, hard on the heart.

2009-10-22T08:45:00.000-07:00

"Not that i loved you less, but i loved him more". Antithesis. I am totally hung up on this word today. The definition of it and all the ways to use it. I have scribbled down about a hundred sentences in my notebook for the past hour and can't seem to stop. I love how my mind dissects words as the words dissect my mind right back in hope to be understood.

Forget everything you know about life, and just open your eyes.

2009-10-22T08:27:00.000-07:00

This used to be my playground. The only place in the world i had total control over just by existing. Every nook and cranny i knew by heart. The same heart that had never loved. I explored the unknown with my face to the sky, hands straight out to each side, screaming as loud as i could and grasping every breath of un-familiarity in my reach. Every passing minute was another chance to turn it all around. "Whoever you are, i am amazed. Your world is my un-touched ground and i am here to be taken."

Superhuman touch.

2009-10-22T08:13:00.000-07:00

The little things.. there's nothing bigger, is there? It all simply lies in our own perception. The way we decide to size and chalk things up. It is quite amazing how the simplest moment to one has no further significance than the obvious, when to another it's more than just that moment. I love the idea of that.

Smitten like akitten.

2009-10-21T05:34:00.000-07:00

I know that i have been posting like a typical girl lately. And i know that this is not normally of my kind as i am notorious for my vulgar way of expressing myself and i know i might possibly have turned into a walking cliche. But i am fucking happy. Happier than i have been in a while. The addiction of conversation has reached another level of 24/dailyy and it's quite simply out of my control at this point. I'm not hating it. Quite the contrary. K, thanks.

His girl wants to party all the time.

2009-10-21T03:25:00.000-07:00

There are so many things i want to tell you. So many words id like to say. I have perfect images in my mind of what it would look like and the sound of me saying the right words at the right time is ameliorate. I try to tell you how you make me feel, but always end up vomiting a whole bucket of rambling words shooting in different directions. Yes, they are all words of love, but i wish they came out in the same order as they are piled up as in my head. I have never been too good with words. I mean sure, i can write. but i never know just what to say, how to speak. It’s as though my mouth is not fully connected to my brain and somewhere along the line my thoughts are lost in translation. I want to leave my words everywhere for you to pick up and wrap around you forever. I want the sound of my voice to keep you safe.

"He made her feel invincible simply by calling her lovely when they hung up the phone".

Is there no way out of the mind?

2009-10-20T13:18:00.001-07:00

Fake love for an hour or so.

2009-10-20T09:14:00.000-07:00

It's been a long night in my city and i just lit one up.

2009-10-20T02:35:00.001-07:00

While jumping up and down on my bed I screamed from the top of my lungs as i pointed at the fake stars how much i fucking liked him and wanted to be with him forever and kiss him for eternityyyyy. Then I fell back onto the bed, into his arms, and we cracked up together.

Throw your emotions in the air.

2009-10-20T02:35:00.000-07:00

As i was playing my piano this morning and the little finger on my right hand started to get numb from me trying to play pieces requiring it to be stretched over ridiculous amounts of keys, i figured it all out.

---

I want nothing more than to battle covers in bed with you. Forever. And if you ever decided to leave me i would go out and find you and bring you home because you would be wrong.

Just promise me you'll always take care of me.

2009-10-19T13:55:00.000-07:00

Please write me off your list.

2009-10-19T13:00:00.000-07:00

It's mid october and i am leaving in less than two months. Leaving. The thought of it causes vibrations through my body i knew not existed. This time everything will be even more perfect. The thing is that, i think you forgot. Not that i am leaving, but that my return here is uncertain. I think in the middle of being completely and disgustingly wrapped up in your own sad perception of this momentary happiness and not taking a single minute to think of the consequences of the things you do, you forgot. It's quite embarrassing actually. The way you wander off thinking so highly of yourself. I never would have thought.. Not you. There's absolutely no reason in me elaborating on this, for you know who you are. Im done with sticking up for you and all the shady things you do to the people around you. If they had the slightest idea. To think that i know all of your deepest darkest secrets and every inkling corner of your life (till recently that is), i don't understand how you dare to even. I wish you find what you are looking for. This is me letting go. I don't miss you now, i only miss you then. But i will also leave it at that. I will leave you at that.

Bye.

Let's leave this party and sneak into the movies and make out.

2009-10-19T10:24:00.000-07:00

Slippery coconut cream.

2009-10-19T04:12:00.000-07:00

I love the way you make it home at the end of every weekend and we spend hours having the most amazing conversations coz i miss you like a tool and i feel ridiculous about it really but i can't help it that i think of you in the back of my head in everything that i do and that i secretly hate that the streets keep you away from me for days at a time but it's your hustle and i like you beyond explainable that's why it's cool.

White cigarettes under black skies.

2009-10-18T11:46:00.000-07:00

What attracts me is something broken. I never comb my hair. When people look too beautiful, it's too easy. If you are perfect, there is no great achievement. I know I'm dressed wrong if the businessman turns his head. But I like to think that after an hour of sitting next to me on the train, he'd look. I'd have grown on him. One can dress like a tramp and have a little chanel bag, and look so chic. I love the idea of that. K, bye.

L.D

Past-time-lover.

2009-10-18T06:10:00.000-07:00

He said he was hurt, but he was proud of me. Everyday.

All i ever needed was you.

So tell me slim, what'chu wanna do?

2009-10-18T03:47:00.001-07:00

Extremely loud and incredibly close.

2009-10-17T08:54:00.000-07:00