Hands down I'm too proud for love. But..

Sitting in a t-shirt and my panties on a huge persian rug in the middle of the common room, by myself, far from lonely, with one song on repeat, which i am much too proud to admit, as it concludes all the exact feelings going, running, streaming, bursting through my body at this very moment.

These past few weeks has been one big mind awakening, heart opening, body exploring hell-of-a rizzide. I don't think my heart, body, mind nor soul has been this loaded with words exploding in and out with every turn i make in a very long time. I fucking love it. It's so insane. I'm losing myself to challenge. To higher levels of the unknown. Im succumbing to this crazy whirlwind of emotions and i only want for it to go faster faster and take me harder harder by the second. I want to lose control if only for a moment. Take me where you please, you impeccable human being. I surrender to anything you throw at me. As long as i see your face as i fly.

I am quite uncertain where to tuck these thoughts in right now as everything thats going on feels to have appeared out of nowhere. I am so scatterbrained and all over the place yet i have never been so sure of what i want my future to hold. This is it. This is what i've been waiting for. Im ready to give myself to the wind and never want anything ever again. (except for a few things of course.. likethosefuckinggivenchyplatformsthat'smakingmytonguegonumb). Anyway, i am letting go of dead weight. Yea, you. Get your shit together and start making things happen. Get up here with me, the view is amazing, the air is fresh and the passion stronger. Whatever. Im just saying.

On another note, amazing fucking C-O-N-V-E-R-S-A-T-I-O-N-S has taken place lately. Everything from talks with lovers and friends and back again, rolling from LA to EU and the PI again. (wait, did i just rap right now? FML.) All I'm saying is, you know who you are. And.. You're pretty fucking amazing. I love how everything is just happening. How the tiniest thoughts in my head gets digested well enough to come out as great ideas and how i radically twist my limbs and wrench my brain finding ways in making them happen. It still baffles me. Every single time i get this "out of nowhere" epiphany about what i want. The idea of not really knowing what the outcome of anything will be mixed with feelings of being on the right path to greatness is close to perfection. The power of words rules my universe. Your words vs. my words and how they magically seem to fit in to a single tale of.. this. This here, this now. I have no further explanation. There is no way in trying to make sense or clarity in any of this. But i have settled with that. And it is lovely.