"Some automatic device clicked in her big brain, and her knees felt weak, and there was a chilly feeling in her stomach. She was in love with this man.
They don’t make memories like that anymore."
I have been around the world, flying in and out of what i believe has been my sanctuary and never being there long enough to please my satisfaction. I am always on the move, always saying hello which leads to always having to say goodbye. But i now own the greatest love stories and most perfect tales of dancing in the moonlight. It is a love/hate relationship i have committed to for life. I have ranted about this blessing/curse of mine in the past and will therefor not get too deep into it now. I am here, i am living, i am loving and i am ridiculously feelin' it.
I wanted more of him, I always did. No matter what happened between us in the past, I already knew I’d never forget anything about him. As crazy as it sounds, he has become part of me and every night I am dreading the fact that we wont be able to spend the day together tomorrow. Or the day after, or the day after that. But this moment we have created is so real, the feeling alone keeps me safe.
For once, we are falling into this. It's not forced. I'm not afraid. It is perfect. It is weightless and i am floating. It's the most intense experience i have ever taken part of and i am tripping the fuck out and stumbling over your words every other minute. I love this. We get so crazy together and it's so amazing. It's like my heart is a drum and i am made up of millions of tiny molecules that are tenderly combined and the sudden you speak they explode and this is new to me but i am alive. You are always a part of my sadness and the fragment of my love and laughter. I am experiencing rapture and everything that can ever be experienced all at once. The speed of darkness takes me right to you. I don't control it anymore. I have closed my eyes and given myself to the sky. There seems to be no other security but your words. Wrap them around me twice and take my hand forever.
Have you ever felt like being alone with your own thoughts is far more exhausting than being in a room filled with a million other people? Like writing a page in your diary drains you more than having an actual conversation with a person of highest social caliber? At times i fleet the real world to escape into my own universe, only to be reminded that's where the ultimate mental exhaustion lies. That's where it manifests itself physically.
Yet i could sleep forever. Over and over again. The thought of lying solely under the sky at the midst of midnight and tapping my fingers on whatever surface i am on to the rhythm of my heartbeat, contents me quietly. There are days where i am calm and collected and hardly even open my mouth, the days where i bother not to care.. Then comes the days where i am inescapably moody. Where i am in love with everyone and everything, including your husky voice which is a result of the 70-oz bottle of whisky you finished last night while dancing your life away.
I have to keep moving. Moving in my own way. If i stand still long enough, everything will fall apart. Keep me safe from seeing what my walls are not strong enough to keep out. I put my trust in you. I love you, whoever you are.
Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it didn't work out with anybody else.
Did i ever tell you your hand feels magic to hold? And that the silent sound your legs make while moving in our sheets while we lay in bed makes my fingers numb. I want to dance with you forever. Take my hand and dance with me. Don't ever let go. You said you would always hold me. This is perfect. I wish we could stay right here, in this now, eternally. I need to know that it’s possible for two people to stay happy together forever.
Pick me up from where i am laying and take me home.