I refer to you with the most beautiful words i know of. I dream of your touch in ways i can't express. When you look at me, i can hardly breathe. You are a substance of addiction injected in my veins, like a high i can't get down from. Everything in my whole body tells me this is real. Even parts of my heart. Yet there is a constant battle with my mind and it's need to have it all figured out. I don't have any of the right answers or the correct words to say. I want to be tough and let go of all my silly "worries", but i don't know if it's fair to myself or even to you. My life right now is everything but steady. My dreams and aspirations are in constant movement. Things seem to be happening the way they should but that doesn't mean i know where i belong.
I've always thought of the world as a tiny place with invincible mirrored walls that gives us the perception of endlessness. Walls nobody but i knew of. Until recently.. Distance has taken on a whole new meaning. Homesickness is a state of mind for me. I’m always missing someone or someplace or something, i’m always trying to get back to some imaginary somewhere. My life has been one long longing. Where does this end? I mean, I'm happy, i really am. I have the most incredible family by blood and an even more incredible family by choice, my friends. I love you. But i need to belong somewhere, i need to put my bags down and rest my heart. I just don't know how do go about that right now. I don't even know if it will ever come to me.
It is said that the longest 12 inches in life is the distance between ones heart and mind. Well i am officially lost along that road. No left turn seems to be right and every attempt of going right turns out wrong. I wish you would save me. I'm not ready to grow up yet. I am forever a child with a heart that has lived and loved for a hundred years. I need to figure my life out. I need to take all my dreams and make them real. Every single one of them. I need to create my future. Well not all of it, but at least a foundation. A place where i can love till i turn blue and just be. I am trying to maintain a certain amount of control over my own life. You see, i am a chronic dreamer. It might just be my curse in life. But i am way past ever trying to get over that. So what was i saying? Oh yea, i hope you belong to me. Because truth be told, my heart is your even we never speak of it again.