A handwritten love letter changes everything.

I am a series of small victories and large defeats and I am as amazed as any other that I have gotten from there to here.

A moment in your gravity.

I've wanted to write about this for a very long time, but i've not quite had the notion on how to proceed. I've always had the words, but never the right way to say them. I've been scared way beyond my comfort zone and to be honest, i still am.

There is no possible way for me to ever express my care for you. No time nor space would room the fumbling words that would rattle and shake out of my mouth in trying to explain what you, our friendship and your place in my everyday means. Throughout my life, in various situations i have been dealt the role as the one to tough it out and hold the pieces together. I have learned to swallow my own cold sadness and put on the most decent smile i had. But with you it was different. I knew i couldn't pretend. I tried. But it was bigger than me. I needed you! I needed you to be who you were when i left. I needed you to be strong. I needed you to tell me everything was going to be okay.

I needed you to not leave me..

Being away from you during your treatment is one of my biggest regrets. My prayers never seemed to be long enough and it felt we couldn't possibly be any further apart. Yet, i couldn't even see your face or hear your voice without breaking down. You were so strong. So vivid. So brave. You chose hope and that made everything possible. Oh friend, i wish i could turn back time and take every single step with you. I wish I had a magic wand to make it go away. But you fought a war most soldiers would never survive and THAT makes you my hero. Forever is an understatement of how long you and i are gonna be you and i.

Iloveyou.