This happens every time. Every time i think something makes us stronger, makes us hold on tighter and fight harder, this happens. I can't even control it. It's like it's become "part of the drill" with you and me. There's always something in my face reminding me things will never just be. I can't explain, i don't understand, don't ask, just pull me closer.
This past month may just have been one of the most emotional months for me in a very long time. I have been going through things i hadn't imagined going through at this point of my life which has made me re-think a lot of things i thought i was certain of. There are people i have secretly pinned down as "the ones who will always be there", who has now given me a whole other point of view. Perhaps due to distance. Perhaps due to time. Or simply the fact that i shut down and out whenever i enter this stage of existence. I can't explain and I'm not sure i want to. Giving others the perfect reasons why i act like i do, kind of means i have all the answers. Which i don't. Quite far from actually. I've never the right words to say, the right things to do nor the correct way to act. But i feel! I feel every single drop of life thrown at me. I cant wait until i’m able to put a concrete label on myself. I would like to be able to say that i am something - that i do something so frequently, that i have immersed myself so completely in it, that i have become it in essence. I want to be able to say that i am a writer or a photographer or an artist or an editor or a musician and know that it means something.
And somewhere in the middle of all this jizz, i would like to mean the world to someone out there. I would like to set someone's soul on fire with love and desire. -Let me touch you with the clasp of my hand and the roots of my words. Let me lick your lower lip while it's dark and let's forget about the world, if only for one night.
"Some automatic device clicked in her big brain, and her knees felt weak, and there was a chilly feeling in her stomach. She was in love with this man.
They don’t make memories like that anymore."