For once, we are falling into this. It's not forced. I'm not afraid. It is perfect. It is weightless and i am floating. It's the most intense experience i have ever taken part of and i am tripping the fuck out and stumbling over your words every other minute. I love this. We get so crazy together and it's so amazing. It's like my heart is a drum and i am made up of millions of tiny molecules that are tenderly combined and the sudden you speak they explode and this is new to me but i am alive. You are always a part of my sadness and the fragment of my love and laughter. I am experiencing rapture and everything that can ever be experienced all at once. The speed of darkness takes me right to you. I don't control it anymore. I have closed my eyes and given myself to the sky. There seems to be no other security but your words. Wrap them around me twice and take my hand forever.
Have you ever felt like being alone with your own thoughts is far more exhausting than being in a room filled with a million other people? Like writing a page in your diary drains you more than having an actual conversation with a person of highest social caliber? At times i fleet the real world to escape into my own universe, only to be reminded that's where the ultimate mental exhaustion lies. That's where it manifests itself physically.
Yet i could sleep forever. Over and over again. The thought of lying solely under the sky at the midst of midnight and tapping my fingers on whatever surface i am on to the rhythm of my heartbeat, contents me quietly. There are days where i am calm and collected and hardly even open my mouth, the days where i bother not to care.. Then comes the days where i am inescapably moody. Where i am in love with everyone and everything, including your husky voice which is a result of the 70-oz bottle of whisky you finished last night while dancing your life away.
I have to keep moving. Moving in my own way. If i stand still long enough, everything will fall apart. Keep me safe from seeing what my walls are not strong enough to keep out. I put my trust in you. I love you, whoever you are.
Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it didn't work out with anybody else.
Did i ever tell you your hand feels magic to hold? And that the silent sound your legs make while moving in our sheets while we lay in bed makes my fingers numb. I want to dance with you forever. Take my hand and dance with me. Don't ever let go. You said you would always hold me. This is perfect. I wish we could stay right here, in this now, eternally. I need to know that it’s possible for two people to stay happy together forever.
Pick me up from where i am laying and take me home.
When i am lonely and longing for your touch, i think of when i used to study your hand lifting your cigarette. The slope of your shoulder, the angle of your hip. The way my heart would stop when your back was bare and you reached for something on the night-stand as your muscles created a perfect shape. I think of the times when i used to look at you sideways, the contour of your lips and the movement they'd make.
I love to examine you in different lights. My love for you is visual. Don't move, i think. Stay like that. Let me have that. For eternity.
Late at night thinking of being with you, then being without you again is scaring me shitless. I spend hundreds of thousands of seconds out of my day imagining everything down to the littlest detail, to doing it all over again from a different angle. Repetition never feels as good as when thoughts of our touch is included. The thrill, the chill, the inevitable electricity. I'm just afraid that when i do get the chance to reconcile all the time lost, ill fold. What if we're not meant for each-other? I am playing with fire here, that i am aware of, but it is out of my control. Dear distance please don't force my heart to a place where it doesn't want to be. -Away from you. How will i ever survive tearing myself away and flying a thousand miles from you again?